I was once told by a grief counselor that loosing someone you love is like carrying around a backpack you can't take off and your backpack is loaded with heavy rocks. At first the weight seems too much to bare, you are not sure how you'll go another step with it on. You plead to take it off, but you can't. It's yours, you have to bare it. With time, you get stronger. The weight is still the same, but you've learned to adjust to it. You've learned to carry it. And it becomes a part of who you are, and it's always with you. You might find people who put more rocks in your pack, or you might find people who help you take some out. I hope I can be the person who helps take some out.
"Healing comes in waves and maybe today the wave hits the rocks,
and that's ok,
that's ok, darling
you are still healing,
you are still healing"
- Ljeoma Umebinyuo
I've had days along my grief journey where the waves have hit the rocks, and it's painful and sharp. I've had days where the water gently kisses my feet and I appreciate the beauty of its peaceful rhythm. I have had days where the waves crash over me, striping me of all I have and leave me gasping for air as I fight to find solid ground. I have had days where I am neither drowning nor standing still, I am just...
here.
And it's ok.
Because I am still healing.
So let me carry those rocks and let the waves come as they may,
because I am still feeling, I am still healing, and that is ok.
